Better Than You

You know, I realize that there are people who are absolutely talented. People who can do anything and everything. I also know a lot of these people. I've hit a 'shlump'. I wish that I was better at something than somebody else. People always tell me that I'm "totally awesome" at something, but then along comes somebody else and BOOM, I'm back to being just somebody tucked into the corner behind everybody else. Friends would tell me that I'm a good singer. But then you look at things like 'Canadian/American Idol', and there are 'friends' on there who think the people applying are so great, and then Simon knocks them down into a little puddle of mud on the stage in front of the judges' table. So what if my friends are just being nice and saying that I'm a good singer? What happens if I'm that big, fat lady in the yellow-feathered outfit that thought she was so wonderful (because her friends told her so), that Simon sent her out of the room crying? If I'm so wonderful, then why don't I have a band and a show and a CD and make a bunch of money like some of my friends who AREN'T good at all? And some people say that I'm better at writing. What are they comparing this to? People who have their books published and given money to have them bought!? Oh, I do like the one where people tell me that I'm better at getting tattoos. It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I have more, it's that I'm 'better at getting them'. RIGHT. 'Cause that makes a lot of sense. How about playing the piano? Well, take a look at the friends in my list on Facebook. How many of these people are awesome pianists with all their grades and can read the music? So what if I play by ear... it's not a rare as you think.

What about better at losing their temper and for messing things up? Sure, I'm good at that. But there are people who are even better at that than I am. Maybe not something to be upset about... but it's still the same.

I wish I was better at something than everybody else. I wish I could sing so well that somebody walks up to me and says "Here. I've got a record deal to give you". Or to play the piano so unbelievable that somebody comes over and says "Will you play at the Concert Hall for thousands of people?". I wish I could cook. I wish I could sing. I wish I could type really, REALLY, REALLY fast. I wish I could play the piano by reading the music (and understanding it). I wish I could play Scrabble with a score of more than 200. I wish I could run a race and win first place. I wish for a lot of things, and the only thing I wish for right now is that I could be better at something than somebody else. Right now, I feel like I'm good for nothing.

I know, I know. I'm suffering from a severe case of 'Poor Me Syndrome' and I should just smarten up and get a life. It's what my family would tell me anyway. Maybe I am feeling a little self pity right now, but that's allowed, isn't it? Come to think of it, I may have found what I'm better at than any of my friends. I'm better at complaining. No, no wait. I still have friends who are better at that.

Maybe one day I'll find something that I'm totally awesome at. And although I may find it on my death bed, at least I'll die satisfied knowing that I was completely and utterly awesome at it.




Mel.