Just to the Beach...

I am now starting to feel the effects of the move. I feel like I'm the only one who is not busy; not keeping my idle hands in their usual fidgety nature. Keadys is back to his 'happy to be outside' guy, Bram is completely in his element; finding work and being back with his mom and step dad. Fawkes; it doesn't really seem to matter, he's only 3 month and can adjust quicker than any of us can. And then there is me. All I wanted was to be able to step my foot into the water just to say that I'm back, to let every tear I had built up and kept to myself out of my body and into the lake for somebody else to scoop up or for the mountains to absorb and cry those tears for me. I feel that now that I'm here, everything is just happening in a blur, spinning around me so fast that nausea doesn't have a chance to rear its ugly head.

Maybe this is something that I suggested in a form of anger and suddenly realized that maybe it was, in fact, a great idea. Maybe now I think this is so stupid and this is one of those moments where somebody should have just shut me up and argued against me. Would it have made a difference? Probably not. I wanted to be here. I WANT to be here. Everything just seems to be going too fast and my brain doesn't seem to register that I've uprooted my family to another province and the world doesn't stop to allow me to shed a tear. Even if I wanted to.

I'll manage with this, although it's going to be that much more difficult with two children and living in a basement of a friend's house. I've managed to get through everything else, how bad can a move be? Just let me dip my toes into the beautiful waters of BC and I'll know how to handle everything. I know I will, because God directed me there before, and I feel that everything will be fine once again. I just need to see that beach... to know that it's there, to know that I've made the right choice.

I have made the right choice, right?